▶ Your Answer :485자 입니다. 300자 넘게만 쓰면 되는 것으로 알고 있는데 논리를 펼치다 보니 길게 쓰여져 시간이 5분정도 계속 모자릅니다. 조언 부탁드려요. 그리고 ETS 교재 5점 4점 짜리 답안을 보면 구체적인 실례가 없고 추상적으로 작성하여 글을 마무리합니다. 제가 저의 이야기를 실례로 들은 것이 고득점을 받는데 방해가 되나요? 보통 이런식으로 써서 실제 시험에서 (24-27점) 정도 받습니다. 실제 시험에서는 오타가 좀 더 있을 때요... 내용에 대해 조언 부탁드려요. 첨삭도요. 감사합니다.
I believe it is better for young adults to live with
their families for a longer time than having independence from their parents as
soon as possible. Living longer time with their families benefits the young
adults in two ways: they can focus on their works and developing careers, and
they can have guidance from their parents when they need.
Young adults still need support from their families to
focus on their works and career build-up while living with their families.
Living independently from their parents require housework. At the early stage
of being an adult, achieving credentials during their study or work is very
important because it leads to happier lives for them in the future. When I
lived independently from my family during my first two years of undergraduate
life, I had to spend three hours per day on housework such as washing my
cloths, cooking/dishing, and fixing some problems in my house myself. Thus, I
was not able to find sufficient time to handle tremendous amount of school work
and to prepare for my future career. However, when I lived with family in the
junior year, my mother cooked for my meal and washed my clothes with those of
other family members together. And even my father takes care of maintenance of
the house where I lived with my family, I was able to save significant time so
that I could prepare my career for the future.
In addition, while living with their parents for a
longer time, they can have some guidance and avoid situations that the young
adults make decisions on their own, which may lead negative outcomes because of
a lack of experience. Young adults are still in need of some guidance of their
parents. Particularly, in the situations to make important decisions, young
adults who live alone may make some mistake in their important decisions while
living away from their parents. However, if they live with their parents
together, such situations are highly avoided and the risk of having negative
outcomes are mitigated because parents give correct guidance or better ideas.
Parents may know well about their sons and daughters and also have gained a lot
of experience during their own lives. When I was a senior undergraduate, I was
investigating my aptitudes and companies to have the best career. My father
checked my progress of career searches every evening at home and shared his
experiences and tips closely. Eventually, I was able to find the best career
path based on his guidance. This chance can be likely unavailable when young
adults live independently from their parents.
All in all, I think living with their parents for a
long time is better than living away from their parents to have independence
for two reasons: they can focus on their work with the family members’ help on
some housework, and they can have guidance for important decision makings. |