▶ Your Answer :
Despite healthcare is the most valuable component of people’s life and of modern
society, some people argue that improving transportation is more important than
developing medical technologies. However, in my opinion, I strongly agree with
the above statement. There are two reasons why I assert like that; advanced
medical care is able to decrease the patient’s pain, and improved health service
can contribute to a country’s economic development.
First of all, in these days, there are so many people who fight with severe and painful illness, and their families also throw
hard time. Sometimes certain diseases cannot be cured by using current medical
technologies. Helping the sick people is the most important duty of
government. If governments invests in health care system, the asset will be
used to innovate treatments and those who suffer with diseases will be cured. For example, Alzheimer is one of the very serious illnesses. This destroy people’s lives
as severe means. (구체적으로 어떻게 사람의 삶을 망가뜨리는지 적어주세요) In this regard, people are afraid of this disease and try to find ways to prevent it. If the technology to prevent Alzheimer
is revealed after the government actively supports medical industry, people’s lives will be improved
dramatically. --> 실제로 치료제가 나타나 사람들의 건강을 개선시킨 사례를 적어주세요.
Secondly,
medical technologies are able to contribute to a nation’s economic progress.
Some patients who suffer from serious illness are used to go to abroad to cure
their sickness due to the country they visit has advanced medical system. Indeed, by one
research, India earns more than a billion dollars annually, thanks to their well-developed medical technologies. Undoubtedly, this is powerful contribution on the
country; the government can invest in medical industry and able to become more advanced with the profit the industry creates; this can lead to the future investment of the government on the
medical industry again.
To
sum up, the investment in health care services can decrease patient’s pain and
contribute to a nation’s economic growth. In this regard, I strongly maintain
that governments should spend a lot of money on medical service industry above
all things.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
|
FAIR
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LIMITED
|
FAIR
|
LIMITED
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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