▶ Your Answer :
I disagree with the statement since there
is a praise “no better way” in the sentence. --> 주제에 대한 본인 입장이 clear 하다고 보기 어려운 introduction입니다.
Basically, I know that visiting museums is
a good way to understand a country because it gives a whole scheme of one’s
history, tradition, and culture. However, (But, and 등은 문장 앞에 사용을 지양해주세요) museums can explain only some part of
whole thing. Other unexplained things can be seen out of the museums. So, there
are also good alternative ways to fulfill your understanding to the country. (let's suppose 등의 구어체 문장 사용을 TOEFL에세이에서는 지양해주세요)
For instance, a person who just
visited the Great Britain Museum and saw a lot of masterpieces from all
around the world; still, the vast amount of exhibition cannot allow the person to fully understand how the
English people live in these days. Because you could not find them even in the
world’s biggest museum. - 예시는 1) 역사적 사실 2) 개인적 경험 3) 통계 등을 활용하여 작성하고 이를 다시 주제에 대한 본인 이유와 연결지어주세요.
To make up this, you are going to see famous market places such as Camden Lock Market. After visiting there,
you decide to walk through the well-known streets from the sophisticated Regent
street to the famous old Notting hill street, because you can see real British
life style there. In the evening, you stop by a local pub to see a soccer game
with notorious British fans. These things can show you a very contemporary way
of life in the country, and give variety of experiences which can be never
obtained in the museums. --> 본 내용이 주제에 대한 본인 입장과 어떻게 연결되는지 you가 아닌 좀 더 객관적인 시각을 바탕으로 작성해주세요 (A person can feel/see/witness 등) Through the day trip mentioned above, a person will realize that he or she understood England, including current life of its people.
In this reason, I disagree with the opinion
that museum is the only better way to get to know a country. Rather, I
would like to recommend you both; go to see some museums and experience one’s
contemporary life when you want to understand a country better.
-> 일반적으로 TOEFL에세이에서는 동의/반대 입장으로 두 가지 입장을 다 취할 수 없습니다.
--> 주제를 뒷받침하는 확실한 이유 2가지와 이를 뒷받침하는 예시를 작성해주세요. model essay등을 읽어본 뒤 내용 전개가 어떻게 되는 지 익숙해질 필요가 있습니다. (Unstructured and informal essay)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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