▶ Your Answer :
Without doubt, improving the quality of
teaching plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places
where they play or work. There are some ways to develop the quality of teaching; the city can choose a group of excellent teachers to receive additional
training and who can give other teachers training by themselves, or all teachers are received
additional training through online courses. If I were asked to choose one, I
would say that selecting some teachers and training them to offer what they
are learned to their colleagues is better for several reasons as follows.
To begin with, training a group of
excellent teachers at school who are chosen allows others to improve their quality
of teaching. The excellent teachers are diligent, passionate, and
self-disciplined. When the other teachers observe excellent teachers, they
could follow the excellent teachers’ behavior and mind. For example, my older
sister is a teacher, but she used to be very lazy and selfish. She did not prepare her class until the very last minute because she had a little passion to her teaching. However, she has changed
little by little after she participated in additional training by John, who was
chosen as an excellent teacher in the school my sister worked. John went to school before other teachers did and
prepared his class every day. She realized that John put in effort to his class
quality, and his passion of class made his students have higher achievement.
Naturally, she started to prepare for her class, paid more attention to her students
and respect them more. If she individually studied additional training through
online, she would not be motivated by other teachers like John .
All things considered, I strongly believe
that the advantages of receiving additional training by excellent teachers far
outweigh those of being trained through online courses. All in all, the
importance of being given additional training from great teachers cannot be
overestimated in the pursuit of promoting student achievement.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
- Reason이 1개만 제시되었는데요, 보통 TOEFL에서는 2개 이상의 이유 + 예시를 제시하게 됩니다. quality of teaching 외에 다른 장점을 적어주세요.
이유는 quality of teaching을 발전시킨다고 하였으나 예시는 다른 teacher를 어떻게 motivate시켰는지에 대해 초점이 맞추어져 있습니다. 내용 흐름 확인 후 수정해주세요. |