이번 수요일 발표된 성적에서 라이팅 독립형이 오프가 뜨는 바람에 목표점수를 못 받았습니다.
(총점 94, 라이팅 17, 목표 총점 100점)
이번 토요일 개인적으로 마지막 시험을 보는데, 오프만 안나오면 목표점수를 달성할 수 있을 것 같습니다.
급한 마음에 첨삭 선생님을 찾아봤으나, 당일 첨삭 서비스는 찾기가 어렵고,
여러 고수님들이 계신 해커스 게시판을 통해 오늘 써본 2개 에세이 평가를 부탁드립니다.
혹시 5점 만점에 몇점 정도 기대할 수 있을까요?
혹시 오프가 될 만한 요소도 보이시나요?
여러가지 건설적인 피드백이 막판 점검에 도움이 될 것 같습니다.
고득점을 노리다가 자칫 오프로 빠질 수도 있다고 판단되어,
1)리서치 결과 2)과감한 페러프레이징 3)복합적인 논지전개 등은 최소화 하기 위해 노력했습니다.
감사합니다.
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Q1. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
These days, being able to work with other people is more
critical than it was before.
Some people think that being able to work with other people
is not more critical than it was before. However, I believe that, in these
days, collaborative capability is more critical than it was before for two
reasons: Because tasks in work environment get more complex and the trends
change quickly, being able to work with others is getting more crucial than it
was used to be.
To begin with, compared to previous years, the tasks in the
work get more complex and difficult in recent years. This phenomenon strongly
requires people to collaborate with other people than before. This is because
more complex tasks require more diverse solutions, coming from all different
industry experts. Therefore, being able to work with others is more essential
in these days. For example, customers for a certain corporate are very
diversified by their different needs. In this particular case, corporate needs
to find all solutions for each customer by collaborating with many different
perspectives from many other people. No one single individual can find solution
for complicated tasks in the work these days due to the complexity in this recent
business environment.
On top of that, because trends in business world change so
quickly, being able to collaborate with other people is critical in these days.
For instance, since the smart phone was invented, the trends have been changed
and transmitted in real time. To catch
up these fast-moving trends, people definitely need to collaborate with others
than before.
For instance, my company current request employees to
collaborate for all projects with more than 5 colleagues. However, 10 years ago,
company strongly support employees to work more individually than now. This change
in corporate policy allows us to work more effectively and respond to
fast-changing industry trends.
In this respect, I believe that being able to work with
other people plays significant role in these days.
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Q2. It is better to work for a business owned by someone you
do not know than to work for a business owned by your family.
Some people think that working for a business owned by someone
you do not know is better than working for a business owned by their family. However,
I believe that working for a family owned business is better for two reasons: in
their family owned business, people can learn unlimited responsibility by playing
a significant role and take more financial compensation.
To begin with, people can improve their responsibility by
taking a more important position in their family owned business. This is
because, there is bigger trust among family members than employees in company
that is not owned by family members. For example, in many family owned business
in Korea, called ChaeBol, almost all of 2nd generation of founders
begin their career with vice executive in their family owned business. In this
case, they are fully responsible for important decisions, which are critical
for their business. Through these continuous decisions throughout their career,
they usually increase their capability of strategic management for a
corporation.
On top of that, working for a family owned business provides
you a chance to gain significant amount of incentives. This is due to the fact
that, people working in their own business generally have a large portion of
stocks of the business, they have chances to attain millions of dollars upon
the business growth. I know this from my personal experience. Even though I
currently work in a big investment bank, my salary including incentives is much
smaller than the compensation that I earned from my previous job in a small
trading company owned and managed by my brother.
To sum up, working in a family owned company increases our responsibility
and offers better economic benefits. In this regard, I believe that working in
a family owned business has more advantages than working in a family owned by
strangers.