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It is common belief that longer prison
sentence should be existed continually to reduce crime rate, but others think that
there are different several another ways. In this regard, I firmly believe that criminals
should be given a longer sentence because people may feel fear about a rigorous sentence and be careful not to violate the law they violate law or not and they need more time to be enlightened.
There are diverse ways to decrease crime rate
and sentence to criminals. To begin with, the government could educate social
norms and laws in order to enlighten them. In prison, they must take courses
about social life and what they did wrong. However, some studies show said that
short-term of education hasn't worked well in terms of to alternation of human nature. It has been proved in that because re-crime rate is higher than ordinary people though they were studious
and model prisoners. ('교육을 받는 과정 속에서' 라는 표현을 추가해주셔야 합니다.) Therefore, it can't be replaced with prison sentence. On top
of that the sentence is displaced by doing volunteer in welfare service center or
paying much tax in order to come out the prison. However, it is not fair from time
to time. (이렇게 설명이 짧은 근거는 오히려 설득력이 떨어지기 때문에 없는 것이 낫습니다. 조금 더 설명해주시던지 없애주셔야 해요.)
Although there are alternative ways, I would
argue that a longer prison sentence have much has a much more powerful to reduce crime rate. If
there are is strict rules, People always consider whether their behavior violates
laws or not. It is evident that a the strong punishment makes people be careful
and worry about that. Among many ways, longer sentence could have a much effect
on scaring people and prevent many crimes. (여기까지의 세 문장은 결국 완벽하게 같은 말을 하고 있습니다. 셋 중 하나만 골라서 넣어주세요.) Taking away freedom off is a significant punishments. (여기의 경우도 주장과 연관지으려면 더 길게 자유를 제한하는 것으로 해주셔야 합니다.) For
example, many developed countries have expanded their penalties, and crime rate
has been gradually reduced. Moreover, this ways could impact on re-crime rate
because they would have more lightening period while staying prison.
To sum up, though a variety of ways could
influence on reducing crime rate, criminal should have much time of changing their wrong values and ideas (이 문장은 상당히 중요한데 여기의 의미가 잘 들어오지 않고 있습니다. 댓글로 달아주시면 다시 영작해서 드릴게요.) and this way could give people to feel fear of wrong living. |