▶ Your Answer :
Although a city
may hold different ideas and opinions, I personally support the idea that a
city should try to preserve its old, historic building on account of two
reasons for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with,
historic buildings are irreplaceable. A city trying to make people’s life
convenient tends to replace the buildings with modern ones, and this
contributes to a huge loss of history which contributes to the loss of history. Although modern building can be rebuilt,
old buildings cannot be rebuilt because time has formed the appearance and the
story of them because technology can not replace old sentiment. This means that people cannot imitate the time People cannot imitate previous shape. Even scratches which
were naturally craved on the walls are assets to modern people. These kinds of
trails sometimes show us what happened to the buildings such as wars or
disasters (뭔가 개연성 없이 전개가 흘려저 가고 있는 거 같습니다). In other words, they contain the entire situational and physical
event. For example, there was a very old church in my town. It was built in
around 200years ago, so people in the town can see how our ancestors lived. By learning
the church, people understand parts of history of South Korea.
Moreover, old
buildings are beautiful. Designs are a lot different from modern styles, and honestly,
the styles can be emulated by modern technics. However, it is impossible to
make exact same color what old buildings have due to discoloration caused by
nature. Also, in the past, people made buildings in accordance with nature such
as forests. For this reason, the fascinating view of old buildings is very
attractive. For example, a lot of people are attracted by Europe because there
are many well-preserved buildings. Even some people are going Europe to see the
buildings.
In a nut shell,
a style of buildings is changing year in and year out. Due to the change, many
old buildings have been destructed. However, they give us two definite benefits.
It has been formed by time, so irreplaceable stories are included in them.
Also, they have the entirely different level of beauty compared to modern
buildings.
점수: 23 일단 지금 이 에세이가 갖고 있는 가장 큰 실수는 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락 모두 이유가 비슷합니다. 이유가 비슷하다 보니 명확하게 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 에세이를 서술할 때 서로 다른 이유를 가지고 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우는 예시가 개연성에 있어서 명확하지 않는데 좀 더 주제와 연관을 주면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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