| |
| |
|
Some people think that young people today are less dependent on their parents. However, in my opinion, I think that young people are more dependent compared to the past for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, it (대소문자 구분) is difficult for young people today to get a job. Young people have no money as they cannot be hired by companies easily in the competitive society. Also it is hard to marry someone due to financial problem caused by unemployment. So people can live in parents' home in order to save money, relying on their parents. For example, I have an uncle, who is 28 years old. He has to leave his parents by the standard of the past. But he is still living with their parents in order to save money since he has no job to earn his own money.
On top of that, many young people today are only child. Most parents today tend not to have many children for their happiness. So an only child usually grows (주어 동사 불일치) up without siblings, depending on their parents. (왜 그런건가요? having siblings의 장점은 무엇이고 외동으로서 자라는 거에 대한 어려움에는 어떤 것이 있을까요? 조금 더 자세하게 서술해주세요.) His or her dependent behaviors usually continue although he or she becomes an adult. To explain, I am also an only child. It was my mother or father that I could rely on easily and I still think I do not have people to depend on except my parents and I am typical of young people today.
To sum up, young people today have to rely on their parents owing to unemployment and an only child's characteristics. (문장 부호 확실히 써주시고 문단 구조를 바르게 잡아주세요) For these reasons, I firmly believe that young people today are more dependent compared to the past.
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. 본문에서 언급드린 only child에 대한 내용만 조금 보완해주시면
문제 없을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*